


Discovering who I am

by Just_morefandomtrash



Series: Exploration of the self [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Katsuki Yuuri, Genderfluid Kenjirou Minami, nonbinary Leo de la Iglesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 20:35:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11215803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_morefandomtrash/pseuds/Just_morefandomtrash
Summary: Prompt: Friends/RivalsFt. Discovering oneself, genderfluid Minami, supportive friends and advice from fellow skaters with similar experiences. Also Minami trys to call out Phichit about his crush on a certain Korean...





	Discovering who I am

**M: Hey...**  
**P: You okay?**  
**M: No.**  
**P: Eh? Tell me!**  
**M: Skype? With you + Ji...**  
**P: Sure! 1 mo**  
**M: Okay.**

\---

"Minami! Turn on your screen!"

"Yo!"

"No one says that anymore dude."

"Well I do!"

As the pair of them bickered, he shuffled around awkwardly on his blanket pile. Sure, it was an ordinary occurrence for the two of them, but this wasn't an ordinary conversation for them.

There was a pile of used tissues in the bin and he knew for certain, even without looking in the mirror, that his face was tear stained. Not that he'd be able to see anyway, what with the only light in the room coming from his laptop.

"Hey Minami... Are you okay there? You're not speaking to us and you sounded rather sad in your texts."

Phichit and Ji were concerned.

Of course they were.

"Y-yeah it was nothing I'm sorry for bothering you."

His voice cracked slightly and he winced, pulling his blankets around him closer.

"Minami... Put on your webcam please?" Ji pleaded, tilting his head to one side on the grainy screen.

With shaking hands, he stretched out and clicked the camera on, settling back and burying his hands into his pile of blankets. God... He looked a mess on the screen, hair stuck up in random directions, a baggy T-shirt and shorts and a pile of random blankets. He looked washed out in the light.

"Mini! Have you eaten? Have you drank anything? When was the last time you slept?"

He flinched at the barrage of questions, something that didn't go unnoticed by the others. There were times where he despised his body, especially now when it gave away his innermost thoughts.

"What's bothering you?" Phichit, for all his enthusiasm and never ending energy, was calmingin in a way that many weren't, many couldn't be.

"I-I... I don't know how to explain it... Um... Have you ever, like, met anyone who doesn't fit in with the typical gender categories?"

"Gender's a social concept to be truthful, and a pretty ridiculous one at that. Some people fit into the binary, others fall onto a spectrum whilst others fall outside it in terms of their identity." With a smile, Ji counted off the points, Phichit nodding in agreement.

It felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders at this point. Phichit and Ji knew information that would be useful to him. Would they understand though?

"So... What if I told you that there are times where... It doesn't feel right? As in, my body doesn't feel right, it feels too flat or too heavy or too sculpted." He was rambling now, everything spilling out to two of his closest friends.

"Leo might be better for this sort of thing but they're not here right now, so I'll do my best. What you're saying is that there are days where you're fine in your body and other days you hate it?"

"Yeah... Like I want to tear my skin to shreads and crawl up into a ball and not do anything. Not even eat or drink, which is ridiculous because I know that I have to." He pauses for a moment, cocking his head to the side in thought. "Is that strange? I feel like is."

"Nope. Yuuri described feeling similar, though perhaps not quite as intense when she was with me in Detroit."

"She?" He winced at his tone, not intending to sound accusatory. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like that."

"No worries! She's okay with other skaters knowing her pronouns and that and we were skyping, would it be early morning in Russia? Anyway, we were skyping today when she declared it a femme day." With a smile, he rapidly pulled out his phone and began tapping away, most likely a text to Yuuri.

"Leo's described something similar too, but only on their worst days. It's why their nails are so short, just in case." A fond look came over Ji's face as he though about Leo, jumping as their voice echoed through the house as the door opened.

"In the bedroom skyping Phi and Mini!"

A quiet response left Ji blushing and burying his face in his hands, much to Phichit's amusement. He managed a small smile, not quite sure if it was convincing or not.

"Oh my god... They're so cheesy."

Phichit giggled at Ji's blush and dreamy smile, fanning his face.

"What about you Seung huh? You two are just as bad!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are t- ah, sorry sunshine! We'll keep it down. Shhh Phi, let's not get distracted now from the point of this call. We're here to help Mini." He tugged the blankets back onto his shoulders as the attention focused back on him.

"Are there days were you feel more feminine?" Considering the question, he nodded.

"There are days where I feel masculine, days where I feel both and days where I feel like neither. Are you... Are you saying that there's a name for it?" It would be a lie to say that he wasn't excited at the prospect of finding a label and not feeling so...

Out of place.

Phichit scrambled around on his bed, muttering in Thai under his breath. Holding his phone up in triumph, he squinted briefly as it illuminated his face.

"Yuuri reckons that it would be called x-gender in Japan, but what's the European term?"

"Nonbinary?"

"No no, not quite. That's completely outside of the binary, no, oh god there was someone in our college..." Phichit threw himself backwards onto his bed with a dramatic groan.

"You mean genderfluid? That seems to be the closest to what you're looking for."  
The trio jumped at the new voice, Ji shrieking as Leo sat down onto the bed next to him. They chuckled and pressed a kiss to his forehead before turning to face the laptop.

"Genderfluid is the term for someone who's gender identity spans the entire gender spectrum. Have you thought about pronouns yet?"

"Pronouns?"

His question was echoed by Phichit who looked incredibly confused at this point, probably because he'd been texting again and not following the conversation.

"Some people when they figure out their identity use different pronouns for themselves, like I did. I changed to using gender neutral pronouns, and Yuuri uses a range don't they?"

"Yeah she does. I understand now, i just lost track of the conversation. Yuuri's sent me a screenshot of a table of gender neutral pronouns, do you want me to forward it to you later to look over?" With a gentle smile, he held up his phone. On it was a series of texts from Yuuri, all containing advice for Phichit to pass on.

"Tell her thank you from me please. I... I don't mind if you use my name."

The conversation quickly dissolved into giggles and lighter topics, agreeing to refer to him by his current pronouns until he'd found a set he was comfortable with.

By the time he'd exited the Skype call and settled down to sleep, they'd made plans to meet up and go shopping the next week.

\---

Over the course of the week, Minami had done several things.

They'd tried refering to themselves with different pronouns from the table Phichit had forwarded to them, eventually settling when they couldn't pronounce half of them (yet).

They'd managed to successfully send an email to the one and only Katsuki Yuuri who just so happened to be their idol, and had maintained a conversation with them.

Finally, they'd come out to their brother (admittedly over Skype but it counted) who'd in turn come out as bisexual. After much deliberation between the two of them, they'd come to the conclusion that they were probably pansexual considering how they fell in love with anyone and everyone who was their type.

It had been a tiring week.

And now they were stood in front of the mirror and wishing their chest wasn't so flat. It was frustrating, this detachment from their own body. With a groan, they tugged on a Pusheen T-shirt (the only feminine one they had at that moment but it would do, and it seemed to calm the agitation in their chest) and black skinny jeans before turning back to the mirror. Patting their butt in quiet delight, they winked and laughed as they watched their reflection mimick them. A notification startled them and they dived onto their bed, snatching their phone up and frowning at the unknown number.

**U: Hey there**  
**M: Who is this?**  
**U: Oh u don't have my number?**  
**U: this is Chris**  
**M: As in the Swiss guy?**  
**U: Giacometti to u!**  
**M: Hold on let me rename you**  
**M: Done**  
**C: I won't keep u long because I heard u were going out but I wanted 2 tell u that I hope u find something u feel good in today**  
**M: Thanks**  
**C: Let me know if there's anything I can get for u**  
**C: Now go shop u beautiful human being!**

Chuckling, they threw their phone down and pulled on their socks, quickly followed by a pair of black converse. It wouldn't take long for Phichit to pick them up from the hotel, then only a short time more for them to meet with the others at the mall. It had been a bit of a pain to get tickets from Japan at such short notice but they were nothing but resourceful. Snatching up their pastel backpack, they slipped their phone into their back pocket and checked that they'd got everything they needed for the day.

"Phone, wallet, jacket in case it rains, drink... Keys! Keys! How the hell am I supposed to lock the room up if I don't have my keys?" Huffing in annoyance, their eyes swept over the room until they caught the shine of the keys on the desk in the corner. Triumphantly, they skipped over and swung their backpack onto their shoulders, picking them up and glancing around the room once more. Deciding that they didn't need anything else, they opened the door, smiling at the other patrons and locking the door behind them. Pulling their phone out, they sent a quick text to Phichit.

**M: I'm on my way down now :D**  
**P: Almost there, see u soon :p**

Laughing, they slipped their phone into their back pocket and walked into the lift, thanking the teen already inside for holding it. Settling against the side, they felt the familiar lurch of the lift going down.

"Excuse me..." They jumped, turning to face the person opposite them.

"Yes?"

"I-I didn't mean to startle you! Sorry..."

"It's okay," with a bright smile they checked the floor number, "I guess I was lost in thought. How can I help?"

"I was wondering, are you Kenjirou Minami? As in, the Japanese figure skater?"

Their eyes widened in surprise at being recognised before they nodded. It wasn't often that fans approached them, startling them every time one did.

"Ah! I'm a huge fan! Your skating is amazing a-and oh god people always say that I'm too over the top at times, I hope I'm not being too invasive."

"No no, it's perfectly fine. You... You like my skating?"

"Yes! My friends and I sometimes try to recreate your routines but we can never replicate your energy." They paused for a moment, nervously fidgeting with their phone. "Could I please possibly have a photo with you? I wouldn't post it without your permission of course, it's just, it's always been a dream of mine to meet you."

The hopefulness in their eyes reminded them of back when they were a huge fan of Yuuri, back before they'd made their acquaintance and realised that the person behind the skating was much more human than they could ever have dared to hope. Much more amazing as a person too.

"Sure, as long as I can take one too. That okay?"

"Yes, yes, perfectly okay with me!"

With a smile, they pulled out their phone again, opening up the camera app. After a couple of photos, the door opened on the fan's floor and they jumped out, promising to tag them before they were separated by the lift door. Their last glimpse of the fan was them being swept along by people they guessed were their friends, all jumping around in delight. Giggling, they stepped out into the lobby on the floor below, waving to Phichit who waved back enthusiastically.

"Yoohoo! The others are almost there, let's go your majesty!"

"Your majesty?" The confusion must have been obvious, even to Phichit who was dragging them through the crowds that had gathered.

"One time someone was being a dick to Yuuri about what pronouns he used and he snapped, turning around and yelling 'your majesty to you peasant'. I wish I'd got it on camera to be honest. Oh, he wishes you good luck by the way and sends his apologies for not being here with us."

"Oh..."

As they let Phichit's words sink in, they peered over his shoulder at his phone.

[I]Seung-gil Lee huh?

"Texting your boyfriend are we?"

Phichit shrieked, throwing his phone into the air before scrambling to catch it. They laughed in amusement as he clutched his phone to his chest, denying everything.

"N-no, we're not dating! We just swapped numbers at Worlds last season!"

"Uh huh... The blush gives you away Phichit."

"Gives what away?"

They both screamed as someone spoke behind them, spinning to be greeted by a grinning Leo and Ji.

"Oh you know, just talking about Phichit's crush on S-"

A hand cut them off, Phichit denying anything and everything. The amused chuckles from the duo told them that they didn't believe Phichit. Everyone in their little group knew about Phichit's crush on Seung-gil Lee, the one and only Korean skater (at least, the only one they'd talked to).

"Come on, I need a new skirt today! And we need to find something for Minami." Leo whined, tugging on Ji's arm.

Sometimes it was difficult to remember who was the older out of the two.

They let themselves be dragged along, eyes wandering around the mall as the others chattered. They'd never really let themselves even consider looking at 'female' clothes before and now it was strangely satisfying to note the larger range available to them.

"We'll start small, one shop to begin with and if we don't all find something we'll look at another. Is that okay with you Minami?"

"Yeah, it's fine."

Looking up, they were greeted with cheerful smiles all round, and an outstretched hand from Leo.

"Ready?"

Nodding, they took their first steps into the store, a cheery shop assistant bounding over to help.

"Good morning! Leo, Ji, great to see you again. And you two, this is your first time here? Name's Mina, she/her pronouns please and you?" She looked at them expectantly, almost blinding them with her dazzling smile.

"Minami, they/them pronouns please."

"Name's Phichit, he/him pronouns please."

"Great to meet you all," and it sounds like she genuinely means it too, "Is there anything I can assist you with today?"

They look to Leo for support, who smiles and nods their head, Phichit shaking his and wandering off the the makeup section.

"A-ah... I'm looking for something feminine. Like a skirt or something." They sigh in relief, the words easier to say than they originally thought.

"Sure. I have a couple you can try out. Just give me a moment to get them."

She bustled away, humming a happy tune. Ji squeezed Leo's hand and whispered in their ear. He smiled, before making his way towards the shoes, muttering about needing a new pair of heels.

"Excited?"

They jumped, barely acknowledging Leo's question.

"I was when JJ brought me here to buy my first skirt. I don't think I could have chosen a better person to come with at the time. Who knew JJ had such a good fashion sense?"

Giggling, Leo started flicking through the skirts on the railings, folding a couple over their arm.

"When you try on your's, I'll try on mine as well, make you feel better yeah?"

"Yeah, that would be nice." Leo's smile made all their worries fade away, even as they were handed a selection of skirts by the assistant and guided to the changing rooms.

Smiling nervously, they stepped inside and shut the curtains, hanging the skirts up. The selection looked like they had been chosen to match their Pusheen t-shirt, something that made them smile. Slipping their shoes off, they wiggled out of their jeans and pushed them to one side. Taking a deep breath, they flicked through the skirts, settling on a black skater skirt. Unhooking it from the hanger, they held it against themselves and looked in the mirror.

They looked beautiful.

With great care, they stepped into the skirt and pulled it up to rest on their hips. Staring at the mirror, they wiggle their hips, smiling in delight as the skirt swishes around their thighs.

Their thighs look beautiful in the skirt.

Leaning over their shoulder, they pat their butt again.

"Damn... I look good in a skirt. Hey Leo! Can I show you the skirt?"

"Sure."

They hear the curtain of the room next door open and they peek out, waving to Leo.

"Ready?" They don't think they can stop smiling at this point.

The skirt feels right in a way little else has felt before.

Pushing the curtain aside, they stepped out, watching their face carefully.

"Ji! Phichit! Come look at how pretty Minami looks!"

Preening at the praise, they spun on the spot, laughing as it spun out into a circle. The others came over, both holding various bags. One moment, they're looking over them approvingly, the next they find themselves enveloped by several pairs of arms.

"You look beautiful Minami. Don't let anyone tell you any different."

\---

@ken_Minami  
thanks for the great day guys! I couldn't ask for better friends

@no1minamifan  
Thank you @ken_Minami for the photos today! Best idol ever!

@ken_Minami  
@no1minamifan It was wonderful meeting you too!


End file.
